I just made out with a guy for $7.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
