he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
