I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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