that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
