problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Randomize
