So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
