Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
