i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
