At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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