I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
