I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
