Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
did i just pee glitter
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