My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
