My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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