Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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