U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
