I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
