I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
