dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
