he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
