i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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