I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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