im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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