Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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