I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
