Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
