Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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