if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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