the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
