i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
