i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
