maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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