I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
