I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
