I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
