I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
