Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
