It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
