either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
