East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
