her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
