go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
