Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
