I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
