summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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