Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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