What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
