You're completely useless in the revolution.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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