so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
