Apparently you make a good broom.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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