I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My vagina is officially offended.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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