What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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