She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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