There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How does it feel to date your dad?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
