i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
