Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Randomize
