Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
