Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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