You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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