i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
