its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
smell my finger.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
