They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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