He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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