Your dad touched me again.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
