Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
