i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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