i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
