This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
