just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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