Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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