she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
