I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
