Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
