Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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