Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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