well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
