I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
