just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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