nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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