Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
