If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
