the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
