My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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