Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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