The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
