How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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