You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
