you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
