How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
