; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Hippo gnu deer
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
